7 weeks old newborn

My newborn is 7 weeks old now.

I have been building my supply close to a month ever since CL left. I thought it would be easier now that I am at my own place. Well, different issues arised.... eg whether or not to shower baby on a rainy morning, finding out the reason of baby's crankiness, FIL kept asking us to give pacifier, my mom kept feeding her when it's not time to drink etc. Tension was building up at home somehow or rather. I also could never enjoy a meal properly and be on the lookout for any stirring or cries, whether it's time for feed, how come baby is sleeping so much and so on. I've learnt new skills like speed-eating, speed-showering, speed-shitting. Everything fast. LOL.

Just last week, I still cried and blame myself for all that have happened, for not insisting to latch on baby, for letting people fed my baby bottle etc. I think I should not be so harsh on myself and give myself some credit. From zero latch, I have 3-4 latches a day. Now everytime after baby showers and just before the midnight feed, she will have to latch on me otherwise she can fuss for an hour. Anyway, all in all, whether my milk increases or not, I am just going to give her the best that I can and know how.

I love latching on baby. It's a priceless precious moment and bonding time with her. And sometimes even after latching, I pump out too, to totally drain out all milk. It's so much washing and backache and wrist pain. It's a tiring moo-moo career but I'm enjoying this process for as long as it lasts.

On top of calling several breastfeeding helplines, I need to specially thank some online friends, Jaz, Joanna and also Annabelle, for encouraging me, teaching me and bringing positivity on this topic on breastfeeding. Whenever I feel lazy, feel like giving up, I just think about what they've told me and it gives me strength to carry on for another day, another day and another day. 

Also thanking people like my sis, Looying, Shufen, Baoli, Shulin, Michelle, Adeline, Jac, Jess and Elin (in no particular order). They care alot about me and keep telling me to relax, don't feel stressed out, jiayou and that I'm doing fine. 

Yes, even though baby will have to wean off the breast sooner or later and go on total FM sooner or later, that's a problem I will face eventually. And I will worry about it later. 

Yesterday, while holding on baby upright around my neck area, she ee ee eh eh and wanted to struggle free from my arms. I wanted to see what she does and where she is going. She wriggled to my breast area and opened her mouth really wide to get the nipple. I LOL at this special moment. How will I bear to wean her off now? 

One last pic that made my day. Baby was grabbing my boobies during feeding like eating a hamburger. And she actually looked at the camera. :)

my bunny ;)

Breastmilk and Re-lactation

Saw some mommies in the facebook group giving away breastmilk. They have too much until their fridge can no longer contain them. I am SO VERY KEEN to take from them but Hubby and mom didn't think that it's a good idea.

I have been and still am eating confinement food even now. Been ordering tingkat confinement food and will continue until next week, since I can't go out to get food and my house downstairs only has tze char and they open after 4 pm daily.

I'm also still eating my multi-vitamins, Anmum Lacta milk, calcium pills, chicken essence on top of the soups that my mom and grandma brewed specially for me. I also didn't take any junk food, fast food, cold drinks at all. Every drop of breastmilk that I give to my baby is solid and nutritious. If only, I have that much for my baby too. Sigh.

I realised that being stressed up or unhappy also affects the quantity of milk. The days when I am quarrelsome with Hubby, I have little milk.

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Re-lactation

Quoting from Alisa (the website below)


Relactation, the rebuilding of one's milk supply weeks or even months after lactation has stopped, or induced lactation, the production of milk from where there was none (as may be the case with adoptive moms), are both viable options for any woman eager to breastfeed.


But under these circumstances, the making of milk is a time-consuming undertaking likely to be fraught with moments of heartbreak, frustration, and worry—but many more, and more lasting, moments of joy, tenderness, and pride. 


Look for other encouraging signs of success, including fuller, more tender breasts, nipples changing color, increased thirst, and changes in menstrual cycle or libido.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gjxZHZuWI0&feature=related

http://www.alisaikeda.com/Clients_Clips/Relactation/body_relactation.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/decrease-formula.html

Mild Depression

I had mild depression after I delivered Baby. There was an article in Straits Times recently with the headlines 'Confinement Period Triggers Depression'. I think it's so true.

I was practically upset with everything and everyone.

I was upset that Baby was taken away from me. For the whole day, I didn't get to carry baby (yes, not even once). I didn't get to latch on Baby. I suffered from engorgement. My breasts were hard as stone and they are so big, I looked as if I'm a D Cup. It was very painful until I couldn't sleep. My milk supply didn't increase. My pump output was 5 - 10 ml.

I couldn't use my hp (and computer too - of course) even while I was lying on my bed resting. I couldn't wash my hair. I stink. I have ugly stretchmarks. I am still fat even after baby is out. My wound hurts. I didn't like that the CL fed my Baby alot of milk and make her sleep for long stretches (as long as 5 hours). That shouldn't be the case because Baby has jaundice. She needs to wake up often to drink and poo.

I felt that no one supported me. No one understood me. I was forced to do things against my will. I was upset and loss that Baby is taken away from me majority of the time. The only time I had some time with Baby was when Hubby came back from work and bring her to my confined room. I cried 7 days out of 14 days. Then the first CL left because her FIL passed away. The second CL came.

She made my mom upset because she broke the slow cooker. And after being here for 1 week, she doesn't know how to brew red date tea. She doesn't know how to cook AT ALL. She doesn't know how to feed baby. Every time she feeds, Baby throws up and gets choked. I witnessed that twice myself. It was so tiring for my mom. She has to correct every single thing that she did everyday. And I woke up 4 times through the night to monitor her feed baby. We decided that she has to go.

After latching for a week, I went back to pump again. Saw that my output was still the same. I cried. I have been very hard on myself. I had high expectations. Then a few people told me that breastfeeding is not everything of motherhood. I didn't have to feel bad if I have to supplement it with formula milk. Hubby also said that it's okay if I've done my best and if we decide to give total FM.



New challenges ahead. I pray that God will guide me through and give me strength so that I can give my best to Baby.

Breastfeeding issue

During my hospital stay, I latched baby on well. Yes there were a few trial and errors on latching and how to unlatch etc but overall baby latched on me and was on total breastfeeding except for 2 times of cup feeding. I also room in with baby on the second day. Sure it was tiring as I only had 1-3 hours of sleep in a day but it was very satisfying to see baby's happy face after each feed. I also automatically wake up whenever it's time for baby's feed.

Back at home, the nightmare started. The CL suggested stuff which ruin my milk supply. Baby started to get very impatient at my breasts and she yells so loud. I just can't bear to hear her cry this way and lets my mom take her away for bottle-feed. The CL also suggested that I give pacifier but I strongly objected. We used the infant goat's milk to supplement her diet because I could only pump out max 10 ml (both breasts combined). The whole day, I managed to have 40-50 ml then I feed baby in a bottle in one feed.

Remm I bought the medela cup feeder? It's $55+ and was never used. Not even once. Baby has only managed to latch onto me once for 20 mins ever since the CL came. And all the time, it was hubby who brings the baby to me.

My massage lady is very encouraging. She keeps saying that I will have more milk and it will come slowly. She asked me not to be stressed and just relax. If I don't have, just give formula in the mean time. She also massages my breasts and clears the block ducts. After her session, I am always happier and positive.

The CL left coz her FIL passed away. The new CL is here and we have set some ground rules, which is to allow baby to latch on me before her actual feeding time. I also decided to call up Mount A Parentcraft for help.

I just hang up the phone with them. Such a coincidence that the person who returned my call is the lady who taught me in antenatal class, Joelynn, and she remembers me.

I told her about my problem. That I have been giving bottlefeeding and today is Day 17. Baby is impatient and refuse to latch and that my pumping supply has been remaining at 10 ml and doesn't increase.

She said that she is very glad that I call her now instead of waiting until baby turns 1 month. Coz as baby grows, she will get smarter and fiercer. She also said that babies will not refuse mommies' breasts.

She told me that my dip in supply is mainly due to NOT latching. She asked me to stop pumping now. Practice latching again. I asked her HOW? She said bring bb to me when she is not already hungry. Gently wake her before her feeding time. And reduce the formula feed. Instead of 60 ml, give her 30 ml. When she is half-full, she will be more interested to come to your breast.

Then I asked her, if I stop pumping then supply will drop. She replied, a few days of not pumping will not affect so much. And even if I am very diligent in pumping, supply will never go up much. Cos stimulation comes from latching, not pumping.

She carried on to share with me another person's success story. And she said that she is confident that baby will latch on me again. Tomorrow is Sunday. I will have to try latching. If I still have difficulty, she said that I can call up on Monday. She will see me on Monday with baby.

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

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I latched baby for an hour at Mount A with the lactation consultants - Joelynn and Wang Yan. They told me to room in with baby and latch whenever I can. Back at home, we made the changes. I made an effort to wake up before baby, to massage my breasts and to put warm compress on them. But I realised that night feeds, baby isn't in the mood to latch. She is in a dreamy state and prefer fast flowing milk.

One week has passed. I managed to latch baby here and there. Baby and me are both learning together. Sometimes, she adjusts her position to get the right suckle, sometimes she suckles for comfort and falls asleep at my breast. Whatever it is, I enjoy the bonding time with her. I will talk to her, encourage her, play soft music for her and kiss her hand. Yesterday baby opened her eyes while latching (normally she closes her eyes) and gazed at me. Such a precious moment.

I will have more opportunities to latch on when I move back to my own place. Can't wait for this confinement period to end. Seriously.

Track baby's development

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