I have been building my supply close to a month ever since CL left. I thought it would be easier now that I am at my own place. Well, different issues arised.... eg whether or not to shower baby on a rainy morning, finding out the reason of baby's crankiness, FIL kept asking us to give pacifier, my mom kept feeding her when it's not time to drink etc. Tension was building up at home somehow or rather. I also could never enjoy a meal properly and be on the lookout for any stirring or cries, whether it's time for feed, how come baby is sleeping so much and so on. I've learnt new skills like speed-eating, speed-showering, speed-shitting. Everything fast. LOL.
Just last week, I still cried and blame myself for all that have happened, for not insisting to latch on baby, for letting people fed my baby bottle etc. I think I should not be so harsh on myself and give myself some credit. From zero latch, I have 3-4 latches a day. Now everytime after baby showers and just before the midnight feed, she will have to latch on me otherwise she can fuss for an hour. Anyway, all in all, whether my milk increases or not, I am just going to give her the best that I can and know how.
I love latching on baby. It's a priceless precious moment and bonding time with her. And sometimes even after latching, I pump out too, to totally drain out all milk. It's so much washing and backache and wrist pain. It's a tiring moo-moo career but I'm enjoying this process for as long as it lasts.
On top of calling several breastfeeding helplines, I need to specially thank some online friends, Jaz, Joanna and also Annabelle, for encouraging me, teaching me and bringing positivity on this topic on breastfeeding. Whenever I feel lazy, feel like giving up, I just think about what they've told me and it gives me strength to carry on for another day, another day and another day.
Also thanking people like my sis, Looying, Shufen, Baoli, Shulin, Michelle, Adeline, Jac, Jess and Elin (in no particular order). They care alot about me and keep telling me to relax, don't feel stressed out, jiayou and that I'm doing fine.
Yes, even though baby will have to wean off the breast sooner or later and go on total FM sooner or later, that's a problem I will face eventually. And I will worry about it later.
Yesterday, while holding on baby upright around my neck area, she ee ee eh eh and wanted to struggle free from my arms. I wanted to see what she does and where she is going. She wriggled to my breast area and opened her mouth really wide to get the nipple. I LOL at this special moment. How will I bear to wean her off now?
One last pic that made my day. Baby was grabbing my boobies during feeding like eating a hamburger. And she actually looked at the camera. :)
my bunny ;)
