I had mild depression after I delivered Baby. There was an article in Straits Times recently with the headlines 'Confinement Period Triggers Depression'. I think it's so true.
I was practically upset with everything and everyone.
I was upset that Baby was taken away from me. For the whole day, I didn't get to carry baby (yes, not even once). I didn't get to latch on Baby. I suffered from engorgement. My breasts were hard as stone and they are so big, I looked as if I'm a D Cup. It was very painful until I couldn't sleep. My milk supply didn't increase. My pump output was 5 - 10 ml.
I couldn't use my hp (and computer too - of course) even while I was lying on my bed resting. I couldn't wash my hair. I stink. I have ugly stretchmarks. I am still fat even after baby is out. My wound hurts. I didn't like that the CL fed my Baby alot of milk and make her sleep for long stretches (as long as 5 hours). That shouldn't be the case because Baby has jaundice. She needs to wake up often to drink and poo.
I felt that no one supported me. No one understood me. I was forced to do things against my will. I was upset and loss that Baby is taken away from me majority of the time. The only time I had some time with Baby was when Hubby came back from work and bring her to my confined room. I cried 7 days out of 14 days. Then the first CL left because her FIL passed away. The second CL came.
She made my mom upset because she broke the slow cooker. And after being here for 1 week, she doesn't know how to brew red date tea. She doesn't know how to cook AT ALL. She doesn't know how to feed baby. Every time she feeds, Baby throws up and gets choked. I witnessed that twice myself. It was so tiring for my mom. She has to correct every single thing that she did everyday. And I woke up 4 times through the night to monitor her feed baby. We decided that she has to go.
After latching for a week, I went back to pump again. Saw that my output was still the same. I cried. I have been very hard on myself. I had high expectations. Then a few people told me that breastfeeding is not everything of motherhood. I didn't have to feel bad if I have to supplement it with formula milk. Hubby also said that it's okay if I've done my best and if we decide to give total FM.
New challenges ahead. I pray that God will guide me through and give me strength so that I can give my best to Baby.
